Prayer for the Refugee
by thug.marie
Summary: Days after the death of Hadriana, Fenris returns to his borrowed mansion to confront his demons. His friend Sebastien Vael comes by to talk sense into him about his life and his love for Hawke.
1. Chapter 1

Fenris' Mansion

It had been 3 days since Hadriana had died by his hand. The lyrium etched into his skin glowed faintly now as he recalled ripping the still beating heart out of his previous tormentor. The magister's apprentice's eyes had bulged and pleaded for mercy as he watched the life drain from her. He felt no relief in her death and felt no comfort from the Antivan brandy he had swiped from an inattentive merchant in Hightown. Fenris looked down at the empty bottle and saw his face in the reflection. He saw his silver hair sweep across his forehead and behind his long elfish ears. Looking directly into his own eyes he felt a surge of self-loathing and hatred for the creature he had become. He stood up quickly, knocking the high back chair to the ground and hurled the bottle against the bedroom wall sending shards of glass flying.

"It appears I have come at inopportune time my friend."

Fenris snapped his head in the direction of the voice. Sebastian Vael, exiled Prince of Starkhaven stood in the doorway holding a small linen satchel.

"I apologize Sebastian, I did notice you were there or else I would have…" Fenris struggled to find the words not meeting his friends gaze.

"Would have waited until I left to abuse the walls so heinously?" Sebastian finished for him. He walked into the room, the light from the blazing fire bouncing off his ivory armor. "I thought you might be hungry, and it appears you've only had a liquid diet since I saw you last." Glancing around, Sebastian noted the empty bottles, both whole and broken scattered across the room.

"Is this chantry charity Brother Vael?" Fenris quipped while hoping the noises from his stomach did not betray his eagerness to ravage the fresh bread he could smell coming from the bag.

"Aye. I overheard some of your neighbors praying to the Maker for aid in ridding the stench coming from this place." Sebastian gingerly made his way to the window, avoiding the broken glass and other bits of rubbish on the floor. "Fresh air would do wonders for this place. And maybe a mop." Turning back to Fenris he saw the elf bent over the satchel pulling out the assortment of food with veracity.

Sebastian removed his grandfather's bow from his back and placed it on the bench and sat across from Fenris as he ate.

Fenris kept his eyes down knowing that his friend was watching him, waiting.

"Are you ready to talk now Fenris?"

"No."

"No is not the right answer."

"There is nothing to talk about. She needed to die and I killed her."

"I was talking about Hawke."

"Oh."

"Though, if you would like to confess your sins to the maker, I can escort you back to the chantry and pray for your soul with the other lay brothers and sisters." Sebastian flashed his dazzling smile to his brooding friend.

"Hardly. I have no sins for which the blame cannot be placed on a certain Tevinter magister." Fenris spat in between chews of bread.

Fenris watched Sebastian adjust the straps on his leather arm cuff that protected him from bow mishaps. He knew that Sebastian was waiting for him to speak again, so he put down the wedge of cheese and asked bluntly, "What about Hawke?"

Sebastian looked up and met the haunted gray eyes of the elf across the table. "She misses you. She doesn't say it, but she doesn't have to."

Fenris stood and walked to the fireplace and folded his arms across his chest plate.

"After you stormed off, Hawke came here and waited for you. Isabella came and dragged her home the next day after you still hadn't showed." Fenris' heart ached knowing that he had again caused her pain. He knew the best way to love her was to stay away. She did not deserve his anger or his problems.

Sebastian continued, pulling Fenris back into the moment, "She has sat at the window watching for you. I've never seen her so forlorn before, this isn't the Hawke we all know and cherish."

Returning the overturned chair to its feet, Fenris lowered himself, feeling the weight of more than just his spiked armor. "Does she know that I'm back?"

"Varric saw you return late last night and told us all this morning over breakfast. That Orana girl from the holding caves, makes these cinnamon tarts that seem to be made of the heavens. And these egg puff things with Colovian ham, sweet Andraste, they would make a pious man do evil deeds. Actually, I think Hawke put some in the bag here."

Fenris snapped his attention away from the flames "Hawke? She made the parcel of food?"

"Oh yes. She knew you would need sustenance and sent me right over to check on you." Sebastian was still digging in the bag when he exclaimed, "Ah ha! See here my friend, never have you tasted something so magically delicious before." He held in his hand the tartlet and looked around, "Fenris?"

The chair was empty and the door was swinging on its hinges. Sebastian, realizing he was alone looked down at his treat and spoke, "All the better. Just you and me my sweet."


	2. Chapter 2

*I will preface this chapter with the notation that in my day job I am a historian and write boring (to anyone other than a historian) reports and have never even attempted to write fiction. But like so many of you, I love Dragon Age! I kept day dreaming about my favorite characters during my archival research so I decided I needed a creative outlet so this is my attempt.

Thank you so much for the kind reviews. I am my own worst critic, so your support encouraged me to try a second chapter. I'm already looking forward to the third!

Hawke Estate

"Come on Daisy, grab your twine, I'll walk you home"

Merrill regarded her dwarven friend from her perched position in the library overlooking the fireplace.

"Varric, how many times have I told you that I am not a flower? - Flowers are pretty though. And they make people happy." She sat on the ledge dangling her legs over the railing watching Varric trying to adjust the gold chain around his neck without ripping out the ever-present blonde chest hair.

Realizing a brilliant idea, Merrill swung her feet off of the banister and started skipping down the steps. "We should get flowers. Varric we have to get flowers for Hawke. Maybe we can go to the coast-"

Varric held his hands up to halt the excited elf, "Slow down Daisy. We're not going anywhere tonight but home."

"Hawke has been through so much Varric. First her brother with that ogre – Aveline told us, it sounded awful. And then her poor mother. Emma vhenan, it still breaks for her…"

The dwarf adjusted Bianca to his left side and put his arm around Merrill's waist and leaned his head into her hip. "My heart hurts too."

"We should do something for her Varric."

"Kid, the angsty elf couldn't get away from her fast enough. After she went out of her way to help him fight his past. Again."

"But-"

"No buts. Hawke is tougher and harder than Bartrand's head, and he's an idiot. She can handle a little unrequited romance. At least now Anders can make his move and stop pining like a sad puppy."

"Varric, I was there. You didn't see the…"

Varric cringed. He had seen the lyrium in Fenris' skin flash bright blue only once before and then saw the intense rage that followed leaving a guard without a heart.

"Well right after, you know, he was still glowing a bit. Hawke tried to talk to him, to calm him down. He was walking back and forth, and yelling. She went to comfort him, but he wouldn't let her touch him. Fenris left." Merrill was staring into the fire, "I don't understand him."

"No one does Daisy. We know he was a slave but my guess is there is more to this story."

Bodahn entered the library and coughed lightly to announce his presence, "Ahem. Good evening messere's, will you be spending the night here? I can set you up in the spare room if you'd like."

Merrill looked to Varric with a pleading smile.

"No, but thank you Bodahn. We were just leaving."

"A shame then. Having her companions around help during this difficult time. My boy Sandal and I are so very sad about this business with the Lady Leandra. A fine woman she was. Treated us very well."

"A finer woman there never was. Hawke is upstairs in bed, General is up there keeping her company. She will be fine Merrill, go say goodbye to Orana and let's go."

Bodahn moved aside to let Merrill pass through the doorway. "Ah, so the hound is with his mistress. My boy was looking for him earlier. He's simple you know, but he loves that dog."

Varric mumbled a response to his fellow dwarf and walked into the main hall joining Merrill who was talking with Orana animatedly.

"Goodnight Orana, and thank you for the feast, Bianca and I loved it."

"Which shem was that Merrill? Was it the one with no shirt covering her bosom?"

Merrill giggled and whispered, "Oh no that was Isabela. Bianca is what he named is crossbow."

Orana's face turned to confusion as Merrill and Varric walked away.

Bodahn was waiting for them to approach and opened the door. Varric looked up to see Fenris' brooding face staring back at him from the doorway. They regarded each other with passive expressions.

"You're late elf."

"I am aware of this dwarf." Fenris grumbled in response.

Merrill stood there silently with her hands clasped near her mouth.

Bodahn recognizing a new guest jumped in, "Please come in ser! Might you take a seat on the bench in the main hall while I fetch Lady Hawke."

"Come on Daisy. We're leaving."


End file.
